Day 2

I slept well.  I did the treadmill and walked Ivy to school.  I feel good.  The anxiety is there, but low.  There is a sense of relaxation that is winning over the anxiety.  My muscles are letting go.  My mind is more relaxed.  It's not all some magic bullet, I get that.  It's one sunny day.  I have days like this out of the blue and this could be one of those.  But it is a start and I am grateful for it.

I have a few hours before I need to get Ivy.  It's all sunshine and falling leaves today and I love it.  

I am ready for change.  I could not have predicted what created that in me.  An unopened bottle of pills in my cupboard that (today) represent giving up in some way.  There could come a day where they will represent something more positive, and that day could be one week from now.  But for today, that bottle of pills is what gets me out of bed, on the treadmill, in gratitude, away from unhealthy coping strategies and full steam ahead towards healthier choices.  That bottle of pills is making me take control of my life.  If eating well, exercising and getting rid of the crutches in my life leaves me still in the grips of the kind of anxiety that I have been struggling with, I will take them.  But I don't want to be neglecting myself in those ways and then medicating to fix it.  

Off to enjoy a few hours of free time.  Grateful.