Instructions

The meeting with Dr. S on Sunday freed me somehow.  The simplicity with which he gave me instructions on how to get through it helped so much.  It was such a relief, being told what to do.  In that meeting, I cried the way I did in my sessions with my old counsellor.  Those sessions with her left me feeling this same lightness I feel now.  Only now, I have the lightness and the estrangement is over!  The struggle will now be how to navigate contact, and we are making a plan.  I don’t feel alone in it.  I feel free from her, for the first time since I boarded that train 20 years ago.  And I am also free to enjoy her, from the confines of understanding my limits.  And when it’s time for it to all fall apart, Chris and I will be prepared, and I have so much support in my life.  I finally feel able to do this.

A work appointment cancelled tonight and I kept my sitter.  I found a new coffee shop to come to and I love it.  Finally, a warm place to sit and write, sort of close to home.  Feeling grateful for it already.